Timeline: The day before day 1, which I guess we can call minus day 1, or eve of day one. Anyway, it was a Sunday. Monday was the day! I was going to add some cardio to my workouts. Everyday, 4:50am, take a long walk with my Rosie uphills, down hills, navigate potholes and risk life and limb dodging wild rabbits! But first, (text message notification) “Your Door Dash driver with your delivery from Grillestone is on his way.” Sunday dinner! Take out! Roast Beef French Dip on a gum bloodying brick oven hoagie! With a side of fries, and some sushi, and I should probably not let this last buffalo wing go to waste.
Monday morning, Day 1: My eyes are open before the chimes of the 4:50am alarm. I’m ready, I bounce up and realize I am still reeeaaaalllly full from last nights dinner. Too late to back out, Rosie is up and getting ready. I almost blackout from bending over to tie my sneakers. I wonder if they make slip-in, lace-less athletic shoes? As we head for the door to leave, now 5am on the dot, I get cutoff by 3 dogs barking informing me they need to take care of business. I tell Rosie, “You go ahead, I will catch up.” A quick number one for the three pups and I am out the door. I see Rosie she is about 5 houses ahead of me. My first thought, get the blood pumping, so I decide to jog to her. I take my first three strides and the French Dip threatens me with come up-ins. Steps 4 and 5 lactic acid is filling my legs and lungs. Six and seven I realize Rosie is walking faster then I am running and I am not catching up. I cough loudly, not to get her attention, but in hopes to wake a neighbor with an offer to drive me to her. I catch up. I attempt to hide my heavy breathing by keeping my mouth closed and breath through my nose. My breath pouring through my flared nostrils, blowing leaves on the asphalt equivalent to a high powered leaf blower. Day 1 sucks, maybe I will sleep in tomorrow.
Day 2: I ate a very light dinner last night. I am woken up by the alarm. If there is a hell it is probably a sweatshop of all bad people who are damned to make alarm clocks. Rosie is up, can’t back out. Only black dots and squiggly lines when I bend over this time to tie my shoes. I really have to research slip-in, lace-less walking shoes. Map My Walk tells us to “Start your workout.” Thwap! Face full of spiderweb! Day 2 has not even begun and it already sucks!
Day 3: Last night was leg day. Freaking alarm, I hate that chiming sound! Rosie is slow to move, is she going to call it!? Will I hear the words “Let’s just keep sleeping” not so fast buck-o. That’s not Rosie, she’s already brushing her teeth, the dogs apparently want to sleep in. I wonder if one of them wants to take my place? Can’t back out, 3 consecutive days creates a habit. I swing out of bed and yell “Sweet potato ass cannon!” as my legs remind me of every squat I did last night and buckle under me. Day 3, habit formed, every hill in my town sucks!
Day 3.5: Ding Dong! “Your Amazon package was delivered.”
Day 4: I am up! No alarm needed! The anticipation is exhilarating. Shirt, shorts, socks and…SLIP-IN, LACE-LESS WALKING SHOES(!) complete Day 4’s ensemble of fitness fashion! Day 4 is going to be amazing! Let’s go pups time to go out and I will be off!!! No, wait, No, it can’t be! Is that…is that…thunder? Maybe I can get out before the ra…nope. Day 4 started out good, but now it sucks.
Days 5 – 10: I am no longer in need of the alarm. My body now knows its time to get some heart health in. Days 5 -10 are more of the same, beat the pace from the day before. Swat mosquitoes, wave my arms in the dark like a Kung Fu master in an attempt to prevent walking through spider webs. Avoid eye contact with all the deer looking at us like we are crazy. Days 5 – 10 don’t suck too bad.
Day 11 – 20: More of the same, pace on point, we are knocking a couple seconds off most days, some days our legs don’t cooperate and we fall a few. The suspicious stares from the wildlife are consistent, we attempt to assure them we have no desire to share nor snitch on them as they eat peoples shrubs. Did I mention I do not need the alarm anymore? Did I also mention I do have an actual life aside from walking every morning? I have a job I go to, and sometimes that job requires me to entertain people.
Day 21: 4:50am more of the same we are hustling. Feeling good. Light on our toes.
Evening 21 and 22: I have been up for 21 hours. Its 2am. I am entertaining my employer and a former colleague. There are 3 empty wine bottles. 6 empty glasses that contained post wine cocktails served to us by my bartender. After my bartender left, I exuberantly slur in a drunken declaration of pride, “I have the liquor cabinet keys!!” To which my employer replies “woo hoo…well go get em!” an additional 6 more empty glasses that are served by me. I will need to take a room I can’t drive home.
Day 22: 4:50am No alarm needed, my eyes open, my internal alarm clock chiming. I am still drunk. Oh Hell No! I am going back to sleep! See you on Day 23!
Day 23: Its pouring out. See you Day 24.
Day 24 – 30: My slip-in, lace-less athletic shoes are paper thin. Probably why they were only $29! My feet hurt from them, but they are so convenient I decide to wear 2 pair of socks. The walking is easy, we glide up the hills without as much a gasp for air, but we continue to push to knock off a few seconds. We are now walking 2.5 miles in 3 minutes, the deer cannot even see us anymore! Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration.
Overall the heart health benefits far outweigh sitting on the couch eating Twinkies, although Twinkies taste better then bugs flying in your mouth at 5am. I feel thinner, albeit I am not. My intentions matter infinitely more than the results, at least in my world. We have far exceeded the 30 day mark and continue to walk and I continue to bitch at the alarm clock. It really is a habit now, one that I enjoy, the walking, not the bitching. If you ever get the oomph and want a challenge that even a baby can eventually do, I highly recommend walking.
#Adulting 