“Mr. Esbrandt,
I would like to express to you my complete dissatisfaction I experienced while staying at your facility. Firstly I am a (super duper highest level elite) reward member and stay at (Name Brand) hotels all the time, this one was the worst of them all. The photos I have attached to this email are very disturbing and I am warning you to use caution when opening them. The condition of the room I was assigned was atrocious. I checked in and found the bathroom this way (see pictures enclosed) I was too tired to complain, but could not use the toilet, shower, or sink. Also the sheets on the bed were dirty, the desk had residue, the TV was old and none of the channels worked. What kind of hotel do you run? I would hate for (Name Brand) hotel company to see these pictures and how you do not care about their hotel. Please refund me my full stay, plus $250 for mental anguish, and 500,000 points or I will be forced to send this to corporate (Name Brand).”
Signed,
Mr. C
Dear Mr. C,
Thank you for your email and the 7 multi angle pictures you took of the fresh number two YOU obviously left in the toilet. As well we thank you for the pictures of the black hairs you left all over the floor, tub and sink, which coincidentally resemble the ones on your head based on reviewing the camera footage during your check-in…at the exhausting hour of 4:30pm. I am happy to find another person like me who cannot stay awake past 4:35pm, I thought I was alone. This hotel has a triple inspection process for all arriving guest rooms, the third and last person to inspect the room being the department manager who has been with us for 17 years. The TV in the room is one week old, with a fully functional, recently installed entertainment package. As for the other complaints you mentioned in your email, and the the fact you decided to report them 36 hours after checking out, I feel no need to address them as you lost all credibility the minute my assistant lost her lunch when opening your poop pictures. We have taken the liberty of sharing your name and reward number with our network of 200 (Brand Name) hotels in the North East whom we share a database compiled of “Blocked Guests”. Congratulations you are it’s newest member! We also forwarded your name, rewards number and email to corporate (Brand Name) and have been informed “Oh, we are aware of him.” In closing a piece of advice, this is Bergen County New Jersey, we don’t take kindly to extortion, unless we are the ones doing it, Capiche?
#Adulting 