Captains Log:
April 26th, Year 2020, Day 3 of Covid-19 Quarantine
24:00 Captains Log: Message from Vessel Courtyard – “Can we board a pharmacist, she has all her essential travel paperwork?” Captains response: “Affirmative, let her know we have hardboiled eggs for breakfast”
01:00 Captains Log: The entire pack has now invaded my sleeping quarters. Their ability to use there paws as tools are amazing, albeit futile as they all begin to dig into a blanket and blow-up mattress that shows no sign of anything worth digging for. I.will.have.to.reinflate.tomorrow.
03:00 Captains Log: Damn my infant like bladder. The pack has apparently chosen me as their new Alpha as they follow me to the lavatory for an impromptu staff meeting. I.must.remember.close.the.door.
04:00 Captains Log: The large male of the pack must’ve been a warrior in his past life. He is twitching and making battle cries while he sleeps.
04:01 Captains Log: Upon further notice those are not battle cries, they are sounds I can only describe as “woo, woo, woo,” perhaps he was not a warrior, perhaps in his past life he was one of the Three Stooges. He’s.doing.the.curly.shuffle.
05:00 Captains Log: My biological clock is always set to rise for exercise at this time. The pack senses this and whilst I will not be exercising today, their bladders are not adhering to my commands to “Lie down, go back to sleep!” The youngest male of the pack accentuates his demands to go out with a headbutt to my ear. Ow.that.really.hurt.
07:00 Captains Log: Overall a better night of slumber, the pack and I have come to a mutual understanding. I do what they say, when they say it and they will give me a small portion of mattress, some blanket and let me sleep…a little. This.seems.one.sided.
09:00 Captains Log: Sickbay patient “COFFEE!!!” Captains (inner monologue) Response: “Tasers set to stun!” Captains (true) Response: “It’s.on.its.way.Loveybear!”
10:00 Captains Log: A battle has ensued! The youngest male furry beast has become unruly. The littlest one, I have named him Jameson due to acting like a drunken Irishman, has gone into what one would describe as puppy rage. He is pouncing the larger male I have named Bacardi who has apparently made a kill. A small giraffe carcass has been gutted, its stuffing everywhere! The sight is horrifying as I now need to vacuum again. The female, I call her Pinot, is uninterested and ignores all of this. I stay away, best to let these disputes resolve themselves. The.mayhem.is.terrifying.
11:00 Captains Log: I must approve payroll for the Vessel Courtyard. The Captain will go no pay going forward and exhaust his earned paid time off while in quarantine. Ain’t.this.a.kick.in.the.nuts.
13:00 Captains Log: I am in search of food rations to be delivered. I have explored all my usual resources that I have used prior to this pandemic and have found the hoarders of the world have taken every delivery time slot. I.just.want.some.Lucky.Charms!
13:15 Captains Log: The Captains mother has made contact with the Home Vessel. I made mention I was thinking of venturing out to buy eggs and milk at Vessel Quick Chek. The Captains mother scolded him and forbade him from leaving the vessel while under quarantine. The.Captain.still.fears.his.momma.
13:30 Captains Log: I just ordered $300 worth of meat from Omaha Steaks, I pray they can make a delivery to Space, the Final Frontier. Or.at.least.Fanwood.
15:00 Captains Log: Although it is only Day 3, I fear the confusion of what I am to do and what is to come has gotten the best of my control. I have totally forgotten to eat breakfast and lunch and have instead partaken in a brunch consisting of a cup of peanut butter crunch ice cream. Day.four.I.am.working.out!
17:00 Captains Log: Mess Hall – Rudy’s Italian oh momma Mia!
18:00 Captains Log: Drunken Irish pack member Jameson is restless, he has begun bulldozing the pillows on my mattress in an attempt to gain the attention of the slumbering pack members. This.pup.is.loco!
19:00 Captains Log: I have figured out how to use the TV! I.am.genius
19:05 Captains Log: 1800 channels and nothing on. TV.off
20:00 Captains Log: All crew members are in their quarters. The mood is sullen. Everyone but Crew Member Niko has cold like symptoms. I feared my digestive track was a victim of this outbreak, then remembered my breakfast and lunch consisted of ice cream, and I am lactose intolerant. It.was.the.dog!
21:00 Captains Log: I am attempting to squeeze my way into my sleeping quarters between the 3 pack members. I believe they neglect to recall the Alpha gets the choice of comfort, I also believe they only gave me the title of Alpha because I have access to the bacon snacks. Another.night.of.bed.yoga.
23:00 Captains Log: The sick bay patient is now sleeping with the door open. The female pack member Pinot has begun her plot to overthrow the king size suite. Bwahahahah!
23:59 Captains Log: Karma is a bitch, the largest of the pack has taken a liking to my sleeping quarters and is not practicing social distancing. Move.over.you’re.hogging.the.whole.damn.bed!
#Adulting 