I have to workout. Its not that I don’t workout. I workout everyday, whether its Yoga or lifting weights. I do something and the benefits are relevant, no high blood pressure, low cholesterol blah, blah, blah. I am not just phoning it in, I am sweaty, sore, pumped and any other Bro-science terms you want to insert. It’s just I find myself at a crossroads where I am saying more and more I have to workout.
If you are looking for fitness advice read the title again. This entry is not going to give you the secrets to six-pack abs. If I knew there was a secret to six-pack abs other then eating right 95% of the time I would have abs damn it. You can read all the “fitness guru” nonsense that says just eat 80% healthy, 20% whatever you want, that’s crap! If you want abs, you need to eat right 95% of the time. Unless you are a genetic freak abs are made in the kitchen. (I guess I just gave some fitness advice, you’re welcome.)
I workout to eat, I eat because food is yummy. If I did not workout I would be on My 600lb Life because, I like to eat like an eight year old. I am not an eight year old, I am a 49 year old, who also no longer has an eight year old’s metabolism. For facts sake even when I was eight, I did not have an eight year old’s metabolism. My workout consists of flexibility, conditioning, heavy weights, and commitment, my nutrition consists of making sure none of my workout just mattered.
My wife mentions on a regular basis that I am the only one in the house who is “in shape”. She says this because I am committed to working out daily. She believes this because I have a perfect storm of muscle and fat that makes me look like a silver back gorilla and she loves monkeys. I have the appetite of a pride of lion without the need to exert any extra energy to track my next meal. My prey is in the shape of an immobile double door Frigidaire 6 feet from my couch. After my workouts I stalk my prey like it was a gazelle, if that gazelle was stuffed with leftover chicken fingers and string cheese.
In my youth if I gained a little fat, (clarification, a little more fat), there was a really cool bro-science term bodybuilders would use to add muscle by getting chubby called “Bulking”. I myself have been using this progressive muscle building technique of “Bulking” for 30 years, straight. There is a counter part to “Bulking” called “Cutting” the act of reducing the affects of “Bulking” to see all the hard work you put into the gym. This “Cutting” is for the disciplined. I am certain my eight year old palate which is accustomed to pb&j, pizza, and chicken fingers would erupt into protest if I proceeded to replace our PB&J with egg whites, our pizza with brown rice and the crunchy exterior of our chicken fingers with just the chicken.
My need to workout is not due to having to add more time and tension to my workouts. It is due to the complex nature of my nutrition which derives from the mind of my inner eight year old who has provided me with psychological proof that a Pop Tart is way more delicious then hot Oatmeal and a hot Oatmeal Cookie is way more delicious then no cookie at all.
I have to workout.
#Adulting 